A Personal Poetic Critique
I entered the following poem into a local contest held by a regional writers group I joined recently. There are just shy of 200 members. The ‘rules’ for entering a poem were that it had to have the word heart/hearts somewhere in the poem at least once, and the length should be between 8 and 16 lines.
Now, I’m not a poet. I love poetry and I dabble a little here and there but I can’t even truly call myself an amateur… an armchair amateur at best, maybe. But I decided that I’d enter the contest ‘for kicks.’ One of the characters in my novel is a poet and I desperately needed the practice; so with a smaller pool of contestants entering, I thought I might stand half a chance at getting an honourable mention (I never expect to place in a top 3 – especially when poetry is involved).
I didn’t win. I didn’t even get an honourable mention. I’m not surprised. I knew there were flaws ahead of time, but I hoped they’d work for me.
What good and what ‘bad’ (needs improvement) do you see? I’d honestly like to know – I want to see if I am able to read my own pluses and minuses correctly.
The glint of light from fractured metal
Refracts my shattered soul;
Its green walls and white chambers
Scream what my heart refuses to admit.
I am not the first, nor will I be the last
But I am the now and the not so distant future:
Broken beyond repair?
Frozen in this moment?
If tomorrow exists, where did my yesterdays go?
With no dream left wanting I wait
For the blood to return to my head, to my heart
I wait to make sense of today.
a poem by M.J. Moores